i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
