I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i've created a new STD.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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