Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
