I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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