we have officially lost it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
