just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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