last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
