I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
