So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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