Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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