grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Randomize
