it wasn't lemon gatorade
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
