margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
