So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize