i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
