The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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