i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
