I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
