just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
