So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
