Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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