I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
