I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
