you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
