I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
