Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize