I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize