What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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