I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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