I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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