Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
