the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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