I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
