CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
