someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
