party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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