I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize