I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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