sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
