If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
