I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize