So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
