you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
