I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
