Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
