it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize