last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
