My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
