Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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