I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
