she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
