i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are the jesus of drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize