Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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