its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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