So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
