North Korea, Best Korea!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
