literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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