Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
