Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize