I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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