actually, I'm a sock model
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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