Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
