I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
