there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dont even know how to be here
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
