Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
