went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
